Carpe Diem!!

Today is a much better day when it comes to having some worries lifted. A couple days ago I was quite concerned for my health. My purpose on posting this today is not to go on about my symptoms but rather to share with you some of my thoughts during these last few days. Thoughts that were more intense because I was indeed scared. Unfortunately we only reflect about all the things that really matter when we are afraid that somehow it could all slip away. It is interesting that the past didn't really come to my mind but instead the future was a priority in my thoughts. I felt an urgency to prepare things that will be of value to my children like the importance of my journals, pictures and my family history. I really did think a lot about it because that is the only way that my kids will truly know me. Evidently, my main thought was always Allie and Brenton. It was about all the many things I still want to do with them and for them... all of the special days and experiences they still have to live and how much I want to be there for them. It was all of the many things I still want to teach them... and be taught by them. I thought about Adam and what I wish for him... and all of the things that are still in store for us. I must admit that I was scared to a certain extent but that fear was only of any complications that would prevent me from being there for my children. I also thought about relationships with friends and family. My heart is so full of gratitude for all that I do have. In many aspects I have had to rebuild my life but the constant love of my Heavenly Father has always been there through other people... Shari and Josh were very nice in having the children visit me in the hospital while I was being tested. Shari and I have come to know each other better with time and I know that a genuine concern for each other has grown. Shari stopped by with the children and I felt her concern and love for me and I deeply appreciate it. People may wonder how we do it or how it is possible for us to care at all but the answer is simple, we are both mothers and we both speak the language that only real mothers comprehend. That is our secret. Like I said previously a had a couple of days to worry quite a bit but everything is okay as far as being able to rule out "the bad stuff". Adam is a great nurse!!! He took some days off to be with me and the kids and he sure made things easier on me. I was able to rest and feel better. In summary, our future is unknown. The next 10 minutes are uncertain so Carpe Diem!!!! Just Cease the Day!